I was a spiritual seeker for most of my life. I began “searching” at 19, starting with transcendental meditation and continued the search with countless spiritual and self-help processes. At 39, after 20 years of trying everything possible, I still felt deeply depressed most of the time. With all of these processes my motive was (sometimes a hidden motive) to get something (for instance a soul-mate) or get rid of something (addiction to food, bulimia, depression, loneliness). I believed it would give me happiness and the love that I had sought for all of my life.
When I started using The Work, it was the first time in my life that I experienced (not just pretended to experience) moments of happiness, such a profound feeling of inner peace, where I didn't care if I got what I wanted or not. It just wasn't important. The moments later disappeared and wanting to get something came back. And when I continued to question every want that I had, I was really surprised. “I want my partner to appreciate me, I want my partner to desire to spend time with me.” And what I discovered was shocking to me. It didn't work as other self-help processes worked (or didn't work). The result was not that he started to appreciate me nor to desire to spend time with me.
The result was that I discovered I didn't appreciate ME, and I didn't desire to spend time with me. And the reason was that it was boring for me to be with me. And behind that was an even more shocking truth. That I was boring to me, because everything I did in my life was because others wanted it or I assumed others wanted it or I believed that by doing this or that it would get me other people’s love—my partner, girlfriends, my mother, and all the other people that I met in my life. And I did that for so long, that when I asked myself what I wanted and what would make me happy in my life, I didn't know. I lived my life according to what others wanted so long that I could not find inside of me what I wanted. Then slowly day by day, I started to discover small things that brought me happiness. And sometimes even big things. I started to discover who I am and how I am enough. And it is not always easy. And my life is not always blissful and happy.
I discovered that being happy all the time is not what I want, that it is so much more fun and joyful and interesting to be fully alive. When moments of sadness come, I know they are okay also and that will pass too. And I discovered it is so much more fun to enjoy what I'm doing than trying to get other people’s approval for what I'm doing. I needed 40 years and The Work to finally get that.
Now I support other women as they discover who they are and what they want, instead of living other people’s wants. I organize a yearly school of inner transformation for women, who forget to live their lives as it happened to me prior to discovering The Work.
I offer private sessions, individualized retreats, weekend workshops—learn more at my website skrivnost-srece.com/en/workshops/ or contact me at firstname.lastname@example.org