In 2008 I was separated from my husband, had spent six years without a partner and was scared to death of falling in love. I was caring for three children of whom two were adolescents that expressed only deep hatred towards me and that, in my opinion, were heading “for trouble”. I often needed to leave home for a few days to “recover” and get myself back. However, the moment I returned the stress from the way they spoke to me, and fear that something would happen to them, would engulf me again. I really thought that the worst was already happening—they were 13 and 15 and there was no way to get them to study, they often ran away from home, alcohol, drugs… and they blamed me for “everything”. My efforts to control the situation had little effect and seemed to worsen the situation rather than help it. The relationship with my ex-husband was riddled with resentments and we couldn’t agree on anything about our daughters. I was desperate; I felt alone and powerless. I simply believed it was too much for me and I couldn’t take it any more.
I had happened on a book, Loving What Is, that described a process of questioning your thoughts with four questions and turnarounds, and after taking a weekend workshop in Madrid, I decided to go to the USA to meet Katie and experience The Work. There I realized I had found what I needed. I decided to leave my family and dedicate myself wholly to questioning my thoughts following Katie’s instructions; I studied English, went to the Turnaround House for the 28-day program and began the process of certification or deepening in The Work. Since then, I have dedicated myself to identifying the thoughts hiding behind my discomfort and holding it up to the four questions and the turnarounds. The changes that have taken place since then, as much in my way of seeing things as in my relationships, many times seem like miracles.
Doing The Work “changed the way my eyes have of seeing” and gave me back the love of my family. Today I no longer have to go anywhere to “recover”. I am in peace with my children, I trust them and I trust life, and I feel connected to them and to myself as never before. I am at peace with my ex-husband and I have completely let go of the fear of loving again. I can say now that, over the last few years, it has once more been possible for me to experience a great love, thanks—without a doubt—to this Work. Life has wanted that he left this material world a little while ago due to a stomach cancer. The Work allowed me to be absolutely present for him, to live and experience every moment with him and to be there up to the last, enjoying every shared second until the end. Now I have discovered that it’s not possible that he dies in me.
Through The Work I have learned to listen to what those close to me say, and to respect others more and more—to let them be in peace—receiving what life has to give. It is the tool that allows me, day after day, to dissolve patterns of behavior that had been repeating themselves over and over, and to live this magical life. As each conflict arises I find myself thinking: What secret will be revealed this time? I continue experiencing fear, getting angry, feeling sad… The difference is that I no longer enter into the drama, but rather feel curiosity about what I will discover each time. Fear no long frightens me. I love my life.
Someone asks “But if you ‘love what is&rsquo', then everything become acceptable? One must allow everything?” And I respond that in my experience loving what is does not mean allowing things I do not like. What is more, I am much more direct and clear than before, and find it much easier to establish my limits.
During these past years, life has placed before me all kinds of situations in which I can practice The Work. I have experienced it in depth during conflictive relationships, in professional matters and in those relating to money, illness and death. Through workshops and individual sessions by Skype or telephone, I continue to deepen my experience day by day while accompanying others from all over the world as they question their thoughts. I am here to support all those who suffer and who have an open mind, to experience the transformative power of answering these four questions and the turnarounds.
If my story sounds familiar to you and you feel my experience might be helpful, please get in touch.
Web site: www.chusagundez.com