Earlier in my life, I had a lot of anxiety, hypochondria, and fear surrounding death. My mind was almost always in the past (causing me to feel sadness) or in the future (causing me to feel anxious). I depended on others close to me to feel comfortable. I didn’t like to be alone and I was never still with myself. I started having severe panic attacks and bouts of depression in my late teens and I took medication for about 6 years. In my early twenties, I found Bikram Yoga and began a regular practice. I didn’t know it at the time, but it was the start of inquiry for me. I found a way to slow down the mind and listen to an inner wisdom that had not previously been available to me. Within a year, I became a Bikram Yoga Teacher and have spent the last 12 years sharing this practice with others as my main profession.
This same instantaneous passion for The Work began in very much the same way for me. The very first time I did The Work, I had a cathartic experience. I saw clearly how something that happened to me as a child had shaped a belief, “He's taking advantage of me”, and I saw how this replayed itself over and over in my life. It was as though a sadness that had been locked in me found its way out through the four questions and turnarounds. And I noticed that the strong animosity toward the person I did The Work on just fell away. In minutes I had gone from feeling extreme anger toward this person to a huge love and gratitude. I realized instantly the power of The Work. All that I had done was question a belief, and the whole reality of the situation shifted for me.
After doing The Work only that one time, I made the decision to go to The School for The Work. Those nine days were some of the hardest in my life. I noticed as I did The Work, my consciousness began to expand and I became much more aware of the thoughts that were present in me, even the thoughts in what I’d probably have then called my “subconscious”. In this expanded state of awareness, it was as though nothing untrue for me could hide. All the sad and fearful thoughts began to find a way out. I saw that I believed I couldn’t trust people. I saw that there were a lot of beliefs about death and sickness being terrible and too awful to even consider. At one point, I did The Work in the fetal position under blankets with my eyes closed, trembling in the middle of the night. I worked on my fearful thoughts about death, of losing those closest to me and of my own death, of not being able to connect with those I love in another way after death, of losing my reality as I had known it to be, of losing my identities of mother/wife/friend/daughter, of living in alignment with my true self, of not knowing anything, of having no control, of not being good enough… (just to name a few). I saw that I was addicted to people pleasing as a way of feeling love and approval and that I was perpetually out of my business. And I saw how in noticing this, I instantly came back to myself. I worked on the shame I felt about parts of my past when I was much more confused and disconnected from myself. I saw so many conflicting beliefs I’d learned about money and I saw how these beliefs blocked me from sharing and expressing joy.
I’ve been practicing The Work since 2010 after attending my first School for the Work. Sometimes my work has been tremendously difficult and sometimes it has been lighthearted and comical… one thing for sure is that it has radically shifted my reality and my life and it continues to do so the more I do it. I have become much more trusting in myself and in others, and more independent and fearless. By doing The Work every time I noticed a fearful thought arise, I was able to open what became a successful yoga studio and community that had been a long time dream of mine I was too fearful to pursue. I had a pain-free, natural childbirth. (Coming from where I had come from… this was nothing short of a miracle.) I experienced the illness and death of three loved ones with a lot of grace and sweetness. I also lived through several “traumatic near-death events” with an acceptance and peace. Over the years, in addition to the above-mentioned topics, I’ve done a lot of work on stressful thoughts regarding marriage, sex and relationship issues, raising children, managing employees, and general thoughts about life amongst society.
I love The Work and I enjoy offering an authentic, pure experience of it. Just to be in the “don’t- know-mind” and to see what is there to be seen through the four questions and turnarounds… it’s my favorite thing to do. I’d love to share that with you. Please reach out to connect with me anytime!