When I got to know The Work in 2004, my life seemed pretty perfect from an outward view, and still I wasn’t happy. There were these down moods with strong feelings of senselessness. Anyway, I did not allow myself to be weak at all, so I hid my depression behind a well functioning, stable façade. I thought that I knew how to handle life.
My child was in the terrible twos. One of my first inquiries was “He shouldn’t kick me in the face.” And I realized that I was the one who kicked me in the face, by thinking that my child did this intentionally in order to harm me, by pretending to be strong when I wasn’t, by hiding behind my responsibilities, etc. With the help of The Work, I was also able to see how his foot in my face was meant to caress me, and I could say, “I love you too, and no, I don’t want your foot in my face.” I was hooked, immediately.
Since then, The Work has never left me. There are still days, and even weeks, when depression returns and I am so stuck in my stories that I’m just not even willing to question my thoughts. And I have learned to regard these times of melancholy as opportunities to tune into my feelings, to enjoy the softness of vulnerability, to feel how the pain brings me back to just being me. And when it’s time to come out of the hole, I know The Work will take me there.
My child is now entering puberty. He doesn’t kick his foot in my face anymore and thankfully still pushes my buttons allowing me to grow.
Other topics have come up, like thoughts about my body, my sexuality, my femininity, and the separation from my husband. I have noticed a lot of shame surfacing with some of these topics. I have inquired very intensely on many topics, and each Work session has been a gift, a way to get to know myself more closely and to get freer with other human beings.
The Work has had a direct impact on my life. For example, I wear dresses (after 40 years of not doing that). I started dancing (although still believing that I’m not a good dancer, it doesn’t stop me). I’m in a good relationship with my ex-husband; it seems like we have gotten to be very good friends now. I love being a woman, and I see how my vulnerability, my weakness, gives me strength. I love life with its unpredictability (even though I still occasionally try to control it).
Working with my clients, I love to be with them, observing their process, to hold the space while they discover their own answers. Every moment when they relax, and some unexpected insight shows up, it touches my heart deeply. And while this insight might be confusing or sometimes even frightening, I try to support my clients in finding easy, doable, living turnarounds to take into their life.
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