Carey wants to change careers after eighteen years. “You haven’t left yet because you're frightened to leave,” Byron Katie says. “What do you fear will happen if you leave?” Carey is afraid she’ll be poor and unable to pay for her child’s college education. Katie helps her imagine a worst-case scenario out of which to write a Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet, and then guides her in filling it in. Through this process, Carey begins to realize that she doesn’t need a healthy body, a house, or money for school, to be happy.
Byron Katie: So, Carrie. Hi, Carrie. Carrie: Hello! Ah. So, War and Peace. War and Peace. So, sweetheart, read what you've written, out loud. I am planning to change my career after 18 years. I'll be going from making money to who knows what. I've done The Work on this many times. It helps, and then I think: Oh, I'm just deluding myself. How do I know, how do I really know, if I should or shouldn't leave? So, how do you know when you should or shouldn't leave? When you leave. OK. Because until you leave, the question is already answered. Should I stay? Or leave? Well, obviously I should stay. I'm still there. So there's your answer. Now, the reason you don't leave is you're frightened to leave. Yes. Absolutely. So, you identify. . . It's, like, what do you fear, for example? What do you fear will happen if you leave? Um. That I will be poor. I won't be able to afford my daughter's college. I'll. . . So, there you are in a tiny, little house you said you'd never live in. Your water bill is due. You don't have the money. Your daughter wants to go to school. She assumed; you led her to assume all her life she could go to college. You'd take care of it. OK? So, you can see you there, right? Yes. OK. Now you write a Worksheet out of that situation. OK. And maybe it's on your daughter. Like: "I'm devastated because I cannot send my daughter to college." Now, imagine yourself, you're in that little house. You can't pay the water bill. And you're sitting there on a chair that they're gonna repossess any minute. OK? OK. Now, how do you react when you believe that thought? Eventually you'll question the whole thing, but first, let's continue to fill in the Worksheet. OK. Now, what do you want in that moment, when you consider "you cannot send your daughter to college" and you're sitting there with not enough money to even pay your rent? "I want. . ." "I want to. . ." Wow. Uh. See, that's why this Work is meditation. And now your ego is just naturally putting up a fight. It's not even gonna give you what you're afraid of because it pins it down. Yeah. I think "I just want to feel safe." Like, I can do it. Like, that it'll just be OK. OK. So, "I want to feel safe." Yeah. That would go on statement 2. Any other wants? Um. I don't think so. OK. So, your daughter is crying. You promised her. . . Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Stay in the situation with your daughter and it's OK to write, "I want to feel safe," because you don't feel safe. She's devastated. Yes. OK. Yeah. Yes. "I want. . ." You know what? You're right. "I want to be able to help my kids if they need it. If my oldest daughter need help with something. If. . ." OK. So, in that situation: "I want her to know I cannot help her." Or: "I want her to know I. . ." What? "I want to send my daughter to school." Just stay in the situation, sitting in that chair, in that little house. Your daughter in front of you: Mom! Mom! You promised you'd send me to school. What am I going to do? I mean, see, that's your fear, is why you don't leave your job. Yeah. Now, you can fearless, fear-less-ly, stay or leave. But you don't have to leave and be frightened. You can take care of this ahead of time. And all of you, you know, you can write Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheets. We do this at the School for The Work where we can find a future, which is the only place fear is. You can find a future that you fear. Get really still. And collect what you're thinking and believing in that moment. In that situation. Fill in your Worksheet. And then, as you're questioning the thoughts, as you're doing The Work on those thoughts, stay in that chair in that situation. Yeah. So, when you're saying, on the second one, the wants, and you said, so, I'm from that place of, like: I'm poor. Right? Exactly. I switched my job. I've. . . Isn't that what you're afraid of? Yes. So, that's where you put yourself. And then my want would be. . . Because I was going for: "I want to be able to help my kids." And then you gave me a new look saying, "I want them to know that I can." It was like, whoa. I didn't even think about that. You know? Well, what are you gonna do when you're there? Yeah! You may as well jump into the future and go to your worst nightmare. Collect your thoughts. Put them on that Worksheet. And then answer them out of that situation. Because when you do that, you may find out you love your job. Not because you're afraid to leave, but because you're OK everywhere. Yeah. Under any circumstances. Like, we don't have to have money to be able to send our children to school and all those things we promise. It's not necessary to be happy. . . It's like, hmm. Having a healthy body, income, housing, sending our children to school, isn't necessary for us to be happy. It isn't necessary for them to be happy. I mean, happiness is happiness. I mean, you're not that happy right now when you consider leaving your job. It's frightening. Yes. So, it's an opportunity to take a look at your fears whether you quit your job or not. Yeah. And it'll give you; you'll just stop feeling like you're going to work because you have to stay in that job. It shifts everything. So, we do The Work for the love of truth, and with that comes freedom that we cannot see ahead of time. It's better than anything we can see. That certainly is my experience. Thank you so much. Oh, you're welcome. Thank you so much for everything that you've done and all your teachings and, like, you have just transformed my whole life, my whole family, and everyone I come into contact with. Oh! Oh! I'm so grateful. You know, through you we learn peace in the world. That's everything to me, as it is everything for you. Thank you. The end of war. Yes. So, sweetheart, thank you for the privilege of our time together. And it certainly enriched my life, and the lives, hopefully, of all the viewers here. Now, on the last one. . . Or, let's look at it. You're sitting in that chair. You can't pay your water bill. Your daughter is so disappointed. She's devastated. Yes. And you're sitting in that chair they're gonna repossess any moment. And what do you; you feel what that feels like? Yes! Now, what would it take to go from that emotion to happy. "I need. . ." What do you need to go from that emotion to happy? What do you need in the moment? "I need. . ." "I need my kids to be self-supportive." Excellent. What else do you need to be happy? "I need money." "I need money." "I need money to be happy." You know, you're hitting a lot of people right now. Yeah. "I need. . ." "To be happy, I need money." Yeah. OK. So, then you have, on statement 6, fill in the Worksheet. I wanted to go from statement 1 to get a smattering of need just so you can stay in that situation. Yes. That's really helpful. And I invite you, no shortcuts, fill in that Worksheet. It'll show you so much just filling it in. And thank you, sweetheart, for working through your nightmare. Thank you. Thank you. I love you! I love you, honey. Bye-bye. Bye.