Video: Self-Inquiry or Self-Denial?

Amanda is feeling angry at The Work. She is believing that because of The Work her needs are not being met in her marriage. “When I think about The Work, I feel angry that I have to give up my position that I’m right that my needs are not getting met,” she says. “No matter what I think or feel, The Work leads me to invalidate it.”

In the course of her discussion with Byron Katie, it becomes apparent that Amanda has misunderstood the turnaround, which is a way of experiencing the opposite of what you believe. “If I believe he’s not giving me enough affection, and I try to believe the opposite,” Katie says, “that’s just a con job, and we can’t con ourselves.”

Maybe, after deep inquiry, Amanda will discover that she really isn’t getting the affection she wants from her husband. But that doesn’t leave her powerless, Katie says. Alternatives become obvious once the pre-determined agenda is set aside and the mind becomes clear.

The value of The Work, Katie says, is in its answers. The deeper the investigation, the clearer the answers. “You don’t answer the questions to change your mind. It’s not a self-help thing. It’s an exploration to know ourselves better.”