The first time I attended the School for The Work in 2008 I awoke in the middle of the night with the thought “I shouldn’t be myself”. This thought was so painful I felt like throwing up. I spent hours questioning the thought “I shouldn’t be myself” and uncovered decades of underlying beliefs that supported it (I need to be perfect; I am not good enough, etc.). This revealed to me how much I wanted other people’s love and approval. I lived in their business trying to figure out how I could gain acceptance from them. This caused me to have feelings of anxiety, depression, and sadness. I spent the majority of the time worried what others would think, afraid of getting in trouble and wanting those around me to change.
Over the last six years my life has changed in drastic and subtle ways. My relationships with my husband, daughter, family, and friends are kinder, loving, and more honest. I now recognize that when I am suffering I am in somebody else’s business and rejecting a part of myself. The stress I feel when I believe these thoughts tells me something is off and I will track backwards to the original thought that started the pain. Was it five minutes ago, an hour? When did I start suffering? My mind now falls into this pattern of looking for the thought and questioning it to find the truth. Even in the pain there is this peace of knowing I will get to uncover a truth I didn’t know before, knowing it is all for me. Permitting me to experience my emotions in each moment of my life has grown my understanding of myself, and how I experience joy. Situations that used to upset me for days, sometimes weeks, now only last for moments. I now know I am not an awful person I just have stressful thoughts that help me to uncover the truth.
I first started doing The Work in 2002 when a friend recommended the book Loving What Is. I spent the majority of my time on my husband and mom, continuing on to father, sisters, and daughter.
I work full time as a sales person and have spent eight years managing a sales team. I have questioned many thoughts about managing, leading, being a working mom, sales results, and being professional. What I love about The Work is how it has helped me become clear about who I am and how I want to live in every part of my life.
My mother recently summed up the impact of The Work on my life. “I think that The Work has freed you to revisit your soul and speak the truth of your heart. It is reflected in your being and shines through your eyes.” The Work is my joy and path. I am so happy to continue my journey in The Work and share it with you.