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A Happy Marriage

Someone asked me what was the secret to a happy marriage. I explained that “happy marriage” is the story that we are believing in the moment, or not.

I love the story of “my” marriage. Do you yet?


When I say “I love you,” it is always self-love. There’s no personality talking: I only talk to myself, so of course I must hear you as me. “I” am the listener, I am all of it, as it turns out.

Love is self-absorbed and leaves no room for any other. Love is the affect of self-consuming, the consumed. There’s not a molecule separate, outside of itself. In the apparent world of duality, it can be seen as a you and a me, but in reality there is only one. And even that isn’t true. I call it the last story, the one in the moment. The voice I love from within is what I’m married to. All marriage is a metaphor for that marriage.

When I make a commitment, it’s to my own truth, and there’s no higher or lower. “I love, honor, and obey you—and I may change my mind.” I’m married only to God—reality. That’s where my commitment is. It can’t be to a particular person. And Stephen says that he wouldn’t want it any other way. Unless we marry the truth, there is no real marriage. Marry yourself and you have married us. We are you. That’s the cosmic joke.

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