The turnarounds are your prescription for happiness. Live the medicine you have been prescribing for others. The world is waiting for just one person to live it. You're the one.
After you have turned around the judgments in your statements 1 through 5 from the Worksheet (and found at least three examples for each turnaround), turn statement 6 around using "I am willing to..." and "I look forward to..."
For example, "I don't ever want to experience an argument with Paul" turns around to "I am willing to experience an argument with Paul" and "I look forward to experiencing an argument with Paul." Why would you look forward to it?
Statement 6 is about fully embracing all of life without fear, and always being open to reality. If you experience an argument with Paul again, good. If it hurts, download another Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet and investigate the thoughts you haven’t looked deeply enough into. Uncomfortable feelings are merely the reminders that we've attached to something that may not be true for us. They let us know that it's time to identify the stressful thoughts and do The Work.
Until you can see the enemy as a friend, your Work is not done. This doesn't mean that you have to invite him to dinner. Friendship is an internal experience. You may never see him again, you may even divorce him, but as you think about him, are you feeling stress or peace?
In my experience, it takes only one person to have a successful relationship. I like to say that I have the perfect marriage, and I can't really know what kind of marriage my husband has (though he tells me he's happy too).
The Work EssentialsThe following are free PDF files available for you to download. (For downloads in other languages, click here.)
Examples of Turnarounds
Here are a few more examples of turnarounds:
"He should understand me" turns around to:
"I need him to be kind to me" turns around to:
"He is unloving to me" turns around to:
"Paul shouldn't shout at me" turns around to:
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