The Work is a Practice

Is it true?

As you consider the situation again, ask yourself, “Is it true that Paul doesn’t listen to me?” Be still. If you really want to know the truth, the honest yes or no from within will rise to meet the question as you recall that situation in your mind’s eye. Let the mind ask the question, and wait for the answer that surfaces. (The answer to the first two questions is just one syllable long; it’s either yes or no. Notice if you experience any defense as you answer. If your answer includes “because . . .” or “but . . . ,” this is not the one-syllable answer you are looking for, and you’re no longer doing The Work. You’re looking for freedom outside yourself. I’m inviting you into a new paradigm.)

Reality, for me, is what is true. The truth is whatever is in front of you, whatever is really happening. Whether you like it or not, it’s raining now. “It shouldn’t be raining” is just a thought. In reality, there is no such thing as a “should” or a “shouldn’t.” These are only thoughts that we superimpose onto reality. Without the Without the “should” and “shouldn’t,” we can see reality as it is, and this leaves us free to act efficiently, clearly, and sanely.

When asking the first question, take your time. The answer is either yes or no. (If it’s no, move to question 3.) The Work is about discovering what is true from the deepest part of yourself. You are listening for your answers now, not other people’s, and not anything you have been taught. This can be very unsettling at first, because you’re entering the unknown. As you continue to dive deeper, allow the truth within you to rise and meet the question. Be gentle as you give yourself to inquiry. Let this experience have you completely. “

Can you absolutely know that it's true?

Consider these questions: “In this situation, can I absolutely know that it’s true that Paul isn’t listening to me? Can I ever really know when someone is listening or not? Am I sometimes listening even when I appear not to be?”

If your answer to question 1 is yes, ask yourself, “Can I absolutely know that it’s true?” In many cases, the statement appears to be true. Of course it does. Your concepts are based on a lifetime of uninvestigated beliefs.

After I woke up to reality in 1986, I noticed many times how people, in conversations, the media, and books, made statements such as “There isn’t enough understanding in the world,” “There’s too much violence,” “We should love one another more.” These were stories I used to believe too. They seemed sensitive, kind, and caring, but as I heard them, I noticed that believing them caused stress and that they didn’t feel peaceful inside me.

For instance, when I heard someone say, “People should be more loving,” the question would arise in me, “Can I absolutely know that that’s true? Can I really know for myself, within myself, that people should be more loving? Even if the whole world tells me so, is it really true?” And, to my amazement, when I listened within myself, I saw that the world is what it is in this moment and that in this moment people couldn’t possibly be more loving than they were. Where reality is concerned, there is no “what should be.” There is only what is, just the way it is, right now. The truth is prior to every story. And every story, prior to investigation, prevents us from seeing what’s true.

Now I could finally inquire of every potentially uncomfortable story, “Can I absolutely know that it’s true?” And the answer, like the question, was an experience: no. I would stand rooted in that answer—solitary, peaceful, free.

How could no be the right answer? Everyone I knew, and all the books, said that the answer should be yes. But I came to see that the truth is itself and will not be dictated to by anyone. In the presence of that inner no, I came to see that the world is always as it should be, whether I oppose it or not. And I came to embrace reality with all my heart. I love the world, without any conditions.

If your answer is still yes, good. If you think that you can absolutely know that that’s true, that’s as it should be, and it’s fine to move on to question 3.

How do you react when you believe that thought?

With this question, we begin to notice internal cause and effect. You can see that when you believe the thought, there is an uneasy feeling, a disturbance that can range from mild discomfort to fear or panic.

How do you react when you believe that Paul doesn’t listen to you? How do you treat him? Be still; notice. For example: “I feel frustrated and sick to my stomach; I give him ‘the look’; I interrupt him; I punish him; I ignore him; I lose my temper. I start talking faster and louder, and I try to force him to listen.”

Continue your list as you witness the situation and allow the images in your mind’s eye to show you how you react when you believe that thought.

Does that thought bring peace or stress into your life? What images do you see, past and future, and what physical sensations arise as you witness those images? Allow yourself to experience them now. Do any obsessions or addictions begin to appear when you believe that thought? (Do you act out on any of the following: alcohol, drugs, credit cards, food, sex, television, or computers?) Also, witness how you treat yourself in this situation and how that feels. “I shut down. I isolate myself, I feel sick, I feel angry, I eat compulsively, and for days I watch television without really watching. I feel depressed, separate, resentful, and lonely.” Notice all the effects of thinking the thought “Paul doesn’t listen to me.”

After the four questions found me, I would notice thoughts like “People should be more loving,” and I would see that thoughts like these caused a feeling of uneasiness in me. I noticed that prior to the thought, there was peace. My mind was quiet and serene. This is who I am without my story. Then, in the stillness of awareness, I began to notice the feelings that came from believing or attaching to the thought. And in the stillness I could see that if I were to believe the thought, the result would be a feeling of unease and sadness. When I asked, “How do I react when I believe the thought that people should be more loving?” I saw that not only did I have an uncomfortable feeling (this was obvious), but I also reacted with mental pictures to prove that the thought was true. I flew off into a world that didn’t exist. I reacted by living in a stressed body, seeing everything through fearful eyes, a sleepwalker, someone in a seemingly endless nightmare. The remedy was simply to investigate.

I love question 3. Once you answer it for yourself, once you see the cause and effect of believing a thought, all your suffering begins to unravel.

Who would you be without that thought?

This is a very powerful question. Picture yourself standing in the presence of the person you have written about when he (or she) is doing what you think he shouldn’t be doing. Consider, for example, who you would be without the thought “Paul doesn’t listen to me.” Who would you be in the same situation if you didn’t believe that thought? Close your eyes and imagine Paul not listening to you. Imagine yourself without the thought that Paul doesn’t listen to you (or that he even should listen). Take your time. Notice what is revealed to you. What do you see now? How does that feel?

For many people, life without their story is literally unimaginable. They have no reference for it. So “I don’t know” is a common answer to this question. Other people answer by saying, “I’d be free,” “I’d be peaceful,” “I’d be a more loving person.” You could also say, “I’d be clear enough to understand the situation and act in an appropriate, intelligent way.” Without our stories, we are not only able to act clearly and fearlessly; we are also a friend, a listener. We are people living happy lives. We are appreciation and gratitude that have become as natural as breath itself. Happiness is the natural state for someone who knows that there’s nothing to know and that we already have everything we need, right here now.

One by one, put each statement on the Judge-Your-Neighbor Worksheet up against the four questions.

Make sure your statements are short and simple. If you find that your statements are wordy or complicated, simplify them. Use fewer words without losing the original meaning.