When I look back at my life now, everything has worked out for me so well. I had a tough start with a depressive mother and I spent years on trying to get her appreciation, as I was convinced, she had never loved me—and that felt hopeless. I was lonely, thinking I am worthless and tried to hide that from others, as I feared their resentment, once they would find out how I really am. I hid that even from myself.
I got married, got a daughter, got divorced, and then, I think, I realized, that I would have to grow up if I wanted my daughter to have a chance in life. I sure noticed, there was something missing in my life, but I didn't know what it was. I tried to find this “something” in the world, I had many friends who should prove that I was worthy—but I never believed them. Or rather: I had read those kind of books of wisdom, but I didn't have a clue, how to find that peace, that well-being, that appreciation of myself and others, that would make me happy. “Loving what is”—as Katie calls it.
I met my second husband when my daughter was 12. We moved together and it worked somehow, although we hadn't even thought about how we would do it: bring up 5 children together. We thought love would be enough. And he gave me the security I needed. Of course, it was not enough. We drifted apart, I felt alone and not understood by him. And I had sex with him, although I rejected him for not helping me and not loving me enough—that is, what I thought. Then my nightmare started, I couldn't sleep any more. Difficult years, searching for solutions in medicine and in all sorts of forums, depressed, and somehow still functioning and working in my job and at home, always tired.
I met The Work 2009, but didn't recognize the huge potential immediately. Still, desperation kept me going, as I met people who—through The Work—had developed wonderful qualities, and I wanted to be like them. In 2011, I went to The School for The Work in Germany and started my training with ITW. In 2013 my relationship almost broke up, and I found the 2 options: buy a flat and a dog or go to Turnaround House. And I chose option 2.
With the help of great people, Certified Facilitators for The Work, I worked on my husband`s beard, my mother, my father, my sister, our old camper van, and lots of other topics extensively and it felt like I was losing skin after skin, being peeled like an onion, coming out fresh and new. I discovered my strategies, my apprehensions, my need for protection, my lack of self-love, my way to be a victim, my shame and guilt.
And all I did was follow the simple directions. I came to listen to my little voice inside, telling me to do this, or to do that—and I still do without hesitation. I learned to listen inside, when it feels bad, identify the thought, write a Worksheet and question it.
Turnaround House really had turned me around. My sleeping might still be difficult, but I know now, that I don't need all that sleep. I need to be awake, I am a late bloomer, I need to catch up. I don't need my mother's love any more, but I love her and we get on amazingly well. I still have my husband, and I am grateful, that he still pushes my buttons, and that he is still with me. I have learned to appreciate and love him for what he is.
The Work has made me gentler and more patient. I learned that all kinds of worry threaten my Inner peace —when I believe the thoughts that are behind it. Sometimes I can even laugh about how my ego still tricks me out—and I started a relationship with that little girl in me, that I had not even been aware of for so long.
Now I also notice that harsh voice in me that used to make me feel very bad—and I am aware, it just wants to help me improve. I understand, that this Inner growth needs mindfulness and practice, it doesn't come for free. I am aware, that my life gets sweeter and kinder and my heart is full of gratitude for The Work and for Katie.
And the journey continues. Getting undone. Being on the Helpline for The Work. Working with clients. Emptying the dishwasher, being a grandmother, a mother, a friend, a wife, a daughter, and a sister. There is still a lot do do and that is fine with me. The Work is a very important part of my life. It would make me happy, if you feel attracted by my words, or by my history, I would love to do The Work with you, if you wish to.
You can send me an e-mail to email@example.com. I do The Work in English and German.
As I had the experience in The Turnaround House, I love to offer packages for ongoing Works. Also, you may come to visit me in our home and do The Work here vor several days. We are in the suburban area of Munich, Bavaria. It is a lovely place to discover and do The Work at the same time. We do not charge for the room. We like to have guests. And I think it is a good possibility to find time and space for the Inner work. Please, do not hesitate to contact me if you have any questions.
phone: +49 89 8001114