Hannah van de Wouw
I was born in the Netherlands in 1955. I am a dental hygienist and also do a lot of pediatric dentistry with children that have fear for dental treatment.
Raised in a loving but emotionally poor family, I came out of this family as someone with enough skills, but emotionally never vulnerable, never saying no, a strong pleaser, always proving myself and trying to get others’ approval to take away my self-doubt and loneliness. It cost me my health, I got a lot of hormonal problems, migraine headaches for years, and later severe PMS and fatigue disease and cancer at 52.
At 28 I met my first spiritual teacher and I experienced a strong period of grace for 3 months and then a slow fading for 2 years. I got a glimpse of sanity. Freedom in every emotion that was not mine, welcoming them all and with that welcoming everything inside and outside of me. So honest not to have to blame myself or others for what was happening inside of me. No defense necessary. Clarity and an intelligence so much faster and grounded in this welcoming. The period of grace ended and I had to relive my neurotic personality with so much shame because I knew the difference.
I had to try to refind this sanity. I became a spiritual seeker. Krishnamurti, Ramesh Balsekar, advaita Vedanta, meeting wonderful people, but like 1 % of my time seeking, I had revelations. The rest of the seeking felt hopeless. Ramesh tought me that God is the doer for as well the free person as for the neurotic person. That thought me to consciously accept my neurotic personality. I have learned to appreciate that almost as much as being free.
I did 6 years of training in inner child work. That helped, but The Work was the fast teacher. Not in an almost too overwhelming grace as when I was 28, but gradually one thought at a time. Much easier for the mind to integrate the revelations. And with The Work came a strong structure of learning to be authentic instead of pleasing, learning to say no, learning to own myself also in my vulnerability, learning how to speak my truth. Back to sanity. Growing in dignity and authenticity.
I give workshops to groups in my house and I have learned not to say that I am without problems, without neuroses. I need my vulnerably, my not knowing, my not being able to do it, learning to own that in contact and it is the truth. So when you meet me, I still share your problems. I am not an all loving person yet, love is still too big a word for me, but friendliness is growing. I am still a beginner. My relationships start to become easier and more balanced. The loneliness still walks with me. Lately I find that I can stay friendly in almost all situations, silly to argue or blame. I am happy being alone.
For me that is more then enough. I can tell you that The Work helped me trough the cancer, letting go of the fear for the cancer to come back, letting go of my dearest friend who committed suicide, dealing with fatigue after cancer, going out of burn-out fast and that is wonderful, but the most important is that I am on my way back to relating in a way that I don’t have to blame myself nor you. The Work made me so lucky to really relate to my mother before she died and the rest of family comes closer and closer.
I love to create a little community at my home in weekends and summerweeks, where people not only learn how to do The Work , but also experience what it means to relate to each other with the help of The Work. No avoiding, speaking your truth, owning yourself, staying in your own business and learning, allowing and having a good time.
That’s what I have been doing the last five years and I am open to private session (Skype) or whatever comes on my way.