Striving for perfection has been one of the most painful endeavours of my life. In my attempt to be what I thought was loving, kind, beautiful, fulfilled, and happy, I became more and more miserable, stressed out, and despairing, constantly comparing myself to where I thought I “should” be at, what I “should” look like, who I “should” be, surrounded by and how my life “should” be. When I didn’t measure up to the ideal image I would lie in the painful depths of feeling hopelessly inadequate and unworthy as a result.
I really believed that if I had the perfect body, if people were kind and understanding, if I was like “that” person, if I hadn’t made “that” mistake, and if I had a fulfilling romantic relationship (among countless other things) THEN I would be happy—and only “then”.
These ideas of what I needed to be happy were challenged as I was confronted with the reality of some people who were content in their lives, even in the midst of what I considered struggles and difficulties. That’s when I began to grasp that “it was my thoughts about my life that were causing me all of the pain, not my life situation itself”.
Upon this realization I felt confused as to where to go. Suppressing my negative thoughts didn’t help, and pretending they didn’t exist, or trying to replace them, didn’t make them go away; day after day, there they were, judging and criticizing. I felt at a loss as to how to address them.
When I found “The Work” I watched my life, including the way I relate to myself and treat others, drastically transform.
Experiencing The Work continues to be a restorative “homecoming” to say the least. The simple questions and turnarounds hold me in a safe space where I am welcome exactly as I am now. Dark thoughts, painful beliefs, prejudices and fears now have a home: on paper. Practicing this inquiry on a consistent basis has opened me in ways that are indescribable. I feel open to life, more comfortable in my skin, and able to deal with people and situations with greater clarity and ease. It continues to invite me back to where all my needs are met: right here, right now.